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Post by Moonstar on Nov 23, 2006 20:21:03 GMT -5
EDIT: K, now the only rules are don't be upset if people don't bite the dust and say, "Oh your Surpreme RPingness is so...surpreme!" And if you critique, make sure you know what you're doing.
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Post by Runningfoot on Nov 26, 2006 15:42:30 GMT -5
*Runningpaw rushes in.* Hi Moonstar! I didn't expect to see you here!* Her mouth in full of burdock root, for the rat bites that Squirrelpaw got when she went to highrock with Swiftstar the day before.*
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Post by Moonstar on Nov 26, 2006 16:12:21 GMT -5
It's OK. It could use a bit more description. You'll want to use lots of description for the quests to earn Golden Leaves. For example, what does she look like? I know, because of the joining thread, but suppose that wasn't there for everyone to see. Occasionally, you might want to do something like (the underlined parts are suggestions/corrections):
*A thin black she-cat rushes in.* Hi, Moonstar! I didn't expect to see you here! *It's Runningpaw, the ThunderClan medicine cat.*
Another thing is, you might want to add something like, *She greeted the RiverClan leader in a muffled voice.*, because if she was carrying a lot of burdock in her mouth, she might have trouble talking.
OOC: BTW, you can use your warrior name, Runningfoot. All med. cat's are allowed to use theirs after they go to Moonstone on this site.
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Post by Runningfoot on Nov 27, 2006 15:56:10 GMT -5
I see. Thanks Moonstar! *Runningfoot runs out of the sandy hollow, heading in the direction of the Thunderclan camp, her jaws tight over the horrid tasting roots/herbs.
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Post by Moonstar on Nov 27, 2006 16:12:27 GMT -5
OOC: Good, there seemed to be a bit more description in that post.
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Post by Runningfoot on Nov 27, 2006 16:28:21 GMT -5
Yea!
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Post by Shadowstar on Dec 8, 2006 17:21:03 GMT -5
OOC Might as well join the bandwagon.
BIC Shadowstar crouched in the darkness of a thick, reed tussock, a thin, crescent moon piercing the black velvet cloak above head. The moon, a bright, luminous yellow, almost like a slice of lemon handing deep in the sky. A muffled trample of steps reaches Shadowstar's perceiving ears, his body prickling at the scent he drank in. Rogue cats! Shadowstar took one last scent of the foul smelling rogue's, eyes slitted with determination. One of the rogue cat's, a large, dark brown tabby spoke for the rest, his voice low and deep, almost like a sinister boom. A rustling of leaves rang in the rogue cat's ears as Shadowstar pounced from the undergrowth, eyes blazing with fury, claws outstretched.
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Post by Moonstar on Dec 8, 2006 17:25:54 GMT -5
Very good! The only problems I realized was that 'slitted' should've been slit accroding to my computer spell check, and instead of 'One of the rogue cat's' should've been, "One of the rogue cats'.
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Post by Shadowstar on Dec 8, 2006 17:29:26 GMT -5
All right, thanks Moonstar. ;D I ran spell check and it didn't bring slitted up. Oh well, I wanted to try my hand and get used to critiquing. Thanks again!
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Post by Moonstar on Dec 8, 2006 17:31:56 GMT -5
Yeah, at first I went into modify post and the proboards spell check didn't bring it up, so I put it on Micrsoft Works to check grammar errors, and it said 'slitted' was wrong.
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Post by Runningfoot on Dec 8, 2006 18:48:16 GMT -5
I see, *as said the giraffe as it watched the baboon and the chimp arguing* ;D
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Post by Shadowstar on Dec 8, 2006 23:00:08 GMT -5
I'd better not be the baboon! Right? Let that be Moonstar. I'll be the chimp. Why am I saying this? Who knows.
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Post by Moonstar on Dec 8, 2006 23:32:20 GMT -5
Hi, Heqet! ((OOC: If you don't understand, it's from a book)) Me a baboon! Well, I warn you, I'm one angry baboon! ;D
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Post by Runningfoot on Dec 9, 2006 10:50:41 GMT -5
Yeah, it is Heqet! From The Golden Goblet by Eloise Jarvas McGraw. Great book! ;D ;D I don't know who is the chimp or the baboon, but I am the Giraffe!
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Post by Moonstar on Dec 9, 2006 10:54:33 GMT -5
Giraffe! Giraffe! Giraffe's killed my father! *Tries to kill the evil giraffe.*
OOC: Random! Mreep!
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