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Post by Runningfoot on Aug 1, 2007 13:16:01 GMT -5
okay
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Post by Moonstar on Aug 1, 2007 15:07:02 GMT -5
Oh, OK then. *sadly puts cookbook away.* Anyway...
*The sun shone on the dark gray tom’s long fur, but he felt nothing but coldness in his heart. The once lithe and sinewy white she-cat stood in front of him, now thin and sickly. The two amber gazes locked.* What do you want, you crowfood? Why were you following me? *Quickfoot eyed the cat with contempt. Hackles raising and back arching, he hissed a reply.* You’ve forgotten me already, Leech? I’ll remind you who I am: by killing you for murdering my sister! *Leech gasped and stared at him. Quickfoot grinned insanely, pleased at the rogue’s reaction. His mate, Sky, approached him, gently putting her tail on his shoulder to calm the WindClan warrior, though the light brown tabby knew it was useless. Vengeance burned in Quickfoot’s heart. The thin white she-cat backed away, babbling protests.* I was just fighting for my Tribe… Your Tribe! You weren’t a part of that Tribe, scum. You were allied with us, but when Spearreader gave you a better offer, you sided with him. And you attacked an injured warrior. No decent cat does that. Smokepaw was just saving lives, like she always does. So she attacked and you killed her. Now I will kill you. *The light brown tabby flinched at those words. She hated to see death. Sky had to fight for WindClan, but those battles weren’t fights to the death, so they were rarely casualties. Knowing how futile her attempt would be, she murmured,* Quickfoot, she’s injured. I don’t think it’s honorable… That never bothered her in a fight! Why should it bother her now? *With those words, amber eyes dancing in flames, he jumped on Leech’s back. The she-cat collapsed completely under Quickfoot’s weight, light as he was. He sank his teeth viciously into her neck. Blood welled around her neck and filled his mouth, but that didn’t bother him. Nor did the taste of her foul, dirty coat. A few seconds later, the she-cat went completely limp. Quickfoot got up triumphantly, staring at her corpse… A white blur bowled him over. Leech was barely alive, but enraged.* Tried to kill me? Well, I’m going to kill you, and succeed. *Leech grabbed his throat. Quickfoot’s air supply was cut off entirely, and he thought, I’m sorry, Smokepaw. I tried. So hard… As Quickfoot closed his eyes to accept his death, the white she-cat was jerked away. Only half-conscious, he watched as light brown blur finished the wound on the back of the rogue’s neck. Sky, who was dissolving like mist, ran over to Quickfoot.* I killed her for you, Quickfoot. We’ll take you to Phoenixstar. It will be OK. *The gray tom let blackness overtake him, the words whispering in his head. It will be OK…*
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Post by Irispaw on Aug 1, 2007 18:49:02 GMT -5
Ooh.... nice! I really like the amount of description!
He sank his teeth viciously into her neck. Blood welled around her neck and filled his mouth, but that didn’t bother him. Nor did the taste of her foul, dirty coat. A few seconds later, the she-cat went completely limp. Quickfoot got up triumphantly, staring at her corpse…
Just one question about the character, would Leech had been able to fight back during that struggle? Just curious!
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Post by Moonstar on Aug 1, 2007 20:27:23 GMT -5
Well, Quickfoot was stronger, she was weak anyway, taken by surprise, and Quickfoot was a little beserk. So, she could probably only writhe while he had her pinned.
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Post by Runningfoot on Aug 14, 2007 20:30:53 GMT -5
i see. that was good!
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Post by Moonstar on Aug 18, 2007 11:56:11 GMT -5
Thanks. I don't know if that's his death or not. I haven't decided yet. I'm going to do one with Sleek leaving BloodClan next.
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Post by Runningfoot on Sept 2, 2007 15:23:51 GMT -5
all right!
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Post by swiftpaw/Icefire on Nov 26, 2007 15:02:19 GMT -5
OOC: This is a great idea
BIC: *A white tabby tom lopes into the riverclan camp a large silver fish clamped in his jaws. It's Icefire the quite young warrior. His wet fur glistens in the hot sun as he approaches the fresh kill pile. He sets down his fish and heads over to the warrior's den to catch some sleap.*
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Post by Moonstar on Nov 30, 2007 23:38:30 GMT -5
K, I don't have much advice right now, except you have some typos (sleap should be sleep, riverclan is RiverClan, and I think quite is supposed to be quiet.) Otherwise, it's pretty good.
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Post by swiftpaw/Icefire on Dec 1, 2007 16:40:46 GMT -5
Oops sorry.
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Post by Runningfoot on Jan 2, 2008 11:42:29 GMT -5
that's okay, it's still good!
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